Postcards from Far Away
by TheWorldOfToast
Summary: Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought, banging his head against the back of the driver seat, how childishly stupid. Castle and Beckett POVs. Happens after A Death In The Family, contains spoilers. Please read and review. Thanks!
1. Postcards from Far Away

Postcards from Far Away

Richard Castle climbed into the taxi and sighed as the driver did a double take. _Great, another fan. _Normally, he would have been thrilled, but right now, it was just a burden. He gave the cabbie his address and leaned back as the cab started to move. He sighed again as he let the misery wash over him.

He had hurt Kate Beckett. He had entered that hospital and seen the look of happiness on her face and then he had gone and told her. He had made that smile disappear. He had told her that he had looked into her mother's murder, but she hadn't reacted, she hadn't done anything, so he had continued telling her everything her knew. He had told her about "Dr. Death" and about the blow that had killed her mother. He told her about the other three stabbings and their connection to her mother's. And then he had told her how sorry he was and had walked away. He had walked away because he didn't want to hear Kate say that their partnership was over. In his mind, as long as he didn't hear her say that, there was still a glimmer of hope that one day they would work together again.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_, he thought, banging his head against the back of the driver seat, _how childishly stupid. There was no way in hell that Kate would ever want to work with him, especially after this._

The cabbie looked back, probably worried that the bestselling author in his backseat was insane.

_Maybe I am_, Rick thought darkly, but he stopped banging his head against the seat in front of him. Instead, he settled on glowering murderously at the passing cars.

Once the cab arrived at his building, Rick gave the driver, who was obviously happy to get him out of his cab, no matter how famous he was, some money. As he road the elevator up to his apartment, he became aware of a bizarre feeling of emptiness next to his heart. Even though it felt empty, it also felt like a huge weight, weighing him down with every step he took.

_I must be coming down with something,_ he thought, as he entered his home, glad for once that both Martha and Alexis were out for the day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you liked the story, more to come soon. As always, comments and reviews are greatly appreciated. Ciao!


	2. The Hardest Part

The Hardest Part

Kate Beckett sat on one of the hard, uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hospital waiting room. She had been stunned when Castle had started telling her about her mother, it had brought on a wave of emotions, each more powerful than the last. Disbelief, anger, sadness. In those few minutes that Castle was talking, she had relieved the painful times after her mother's death. No_, she hadn't completely relieved those times_, she realized. A small part of her had paid attention to what Castle had been saying. She gasped as the rest of her realized what he'd found. The connection, the fatal blow. _How had he, a novelist, found those details, when she, a homicide detective, couldn't?_

Kate turned to ask him this and was confused when she didn't see him sitting next to her. _Where did he go? Had she yelled at him, told him she never wanted to see him again?_ She went back over their entire conversation in her head. _No, he had told her how sorry he was and then walked away. Why had he just walked away? Was this just about Nikki Heat? Did he not care a tiny bit about how she felt?_

She wanted to cry at the anger bubbling up inside of her, but she wasn't able to. For Kate, crying only came in familiar, homey places, like her apartment or her parents' house. But here, in the sterile, off white hospital waiting room with the uncomfortable chairs and year old magazines, the tears stayed at bay. Finally getting uncomfortable, she got up and went into Will's hospital room and grabbed her coat and bag.

"Kate? What's wrong?" Will asked, staring at her with surprise and worry etched on his face.

"It's… it's nothing Will… I… I have to go." She answered, desperate to be out of there.

"Kate?!" He called after her, but she kept walking out of the room and out of the hospital. She didn't stop walking until she reached her car. Getting in, she started to drive home, but soon the street became fuzzy and out of focused. Kate panicked, worried that her 20/20 vision had spontaneously gone bad. That was, until the realized that the warm wetness she felt trickling down her face were tears. Pulling over, she let them fall freely.

_How could Castle have done this to her? Had her mother's murder really been committed by a serial killer? Why had Castle betrayed her trust? Why did she care? After all, he was just an overgrown child with a fancy vocabulary. Was she finally going to discover who had ripped her mom away from her?_

She sat there for a while, not paying attention to the time passing by. She could've sat there for seconds or hours she didn't know. She only stirred when she discovered that her tears had dried away enough to allow her to drive. Kate Beckett started home again, feeling a bizarre emptiness next to her heart. Ignoring it, she realized she was suddenly anxious for her comfy sweats, bottle of red wine and the cheesy chick flicks that Lainey had given her for no apparent reason a couple of Christmases ago.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Hey guys, I'm back. Ummmm…. I guess I forgot to mention this before, but all the chapters are named after Coldplay songs 'cause I came up with the idea while waiting for one of their concerts to start (in case you were wondering, it was awesome). Sorry that the chapters are kinda short, I'm more of a short story type of person, but I'll combine some chapters together in the future._

_Thanks for reading! Please review._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, but it is number one on my Christmas list…_


	3. What If & Things I Don't Understand

What If

Richard Castle woke up lying face down on his bed, sheets rolled up in a lump by his knee. It had been a couple of weeks since the incident at the hospital, and he still hadn't managed to leave the house. Looking around at his room, he grimaced. Normally, he wasn't much of the neat freak, but the dishes and dirty laundry piled up everywhere bothered him.

Looking down, he saw his battered laptop lying on the floor next to his bed. _It must have fallen off during the night. _Picking it up, he opened it and continued reading his first Nikki Heat novel from where he had stopped the night before. He had finished it weeks ago, but he couldn't bring himself to send it off to Gina, his publisher. _He had hurt Kate Beckett enough._

Rick hadn't seen the detective since he had told her what he knew about her mom, and he was sure she didn't want to see him. He had been tempted to call up Ryan or Esposito and ask them how she was doing, but each time he started to dial one of their numbers, he was overcome with guilt at spying on her and would hang up immediately. If they had still been on speaking terms, he would have asked her how she was doing and if she could go over his book, but now that seemed high on the list of improbabilities.

Suddenly an idea popped into his head. He grabbed his laptop and headed towards his office. _If he couldn't talk to Kate, he would find another way to communicate with her. _Suddenly an image of him standing on top of a hill signaling to her with flags popped up in his head. Shaking his head to get rid of the image, he sat down at his office desk. He quickly added a dedication to his book, connected his laptop to his printer and started to print off Heat Wave. Realizing that it would take a while to print all 457 pages of his book, he went off to grab some cereal. Coming back, he sat in his chair, munching his Lucky Charms and periodically pulling papers out of the printer tray so it wouldn't jam.

Once it had finished printing, he tied all the pages together and wrote a quick letter to Kate. Then he put everything in a box, duct taped it shut and grabbed a pen to write out the address. _Crap. Where would he send it to, he had no idea where she lived? _Eventually he settled on sending it to the precinct.

Pulling on a pair of jeans and his cleanest shirt, Rick left his apartment to go mail the package. _All he could do after that was to wait and hope that Kate Beckett would even open a box from him._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things I Don't Understand

Kate Beckett walked into work soaking wet. It was pouring rain outside and she hadn't been able to find a nearby parking space. Spying a large brown box on her desk, she swore and hoped it wasn't another one of those bomb scares showing up at police departments all over New York. She really didn't need delay right now while she had a bunch of paperwork that she had to get done. She walked up to the package slowly and carefully turned the package so she could see the sender. Richard Castle. She let out an angry huff and another cuss word and shoved the package aside and started to fill out her monthly report.

Eventually, thanks to the boring paperwork and slow work day, Kate's curiosity got the better of her. _They say curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat, am I?_ Pulling out a pair of scissors, she cut the tape and opened the box. To her surprise, inside was a rough draft of Heat Wave. Lifting it out of the box, she noticed a note fall out. Grabbing the note before it hit the ground, she put it on the desk in front of her and started to read.

_**Dear Detective Kate Beckett,**_

_**Here's the only existing copy of Heat Wave. I want to have your opinion before I send it off to my publisher. If I don't hear back from you, I'll delete it from my hard drive and start working on something else.**_

_**-Rick Castle**_

Slowly, Kate opened the first page of the loosely bound "book," not sure if she wanted to read what was inside. There on the first page was a simple dedication, only five words long.

_**To Kate Beckett,**_

_**I'm sorry**_

Stunned, she kept on reading.

A few hours later, when the jail cells were full of newly caught criminals and everyone had gone home, Kate closed the book. Normally she wasn't much of a speed reader, but she'd powered right through this book. _I guess when you're the inspiration for the main character it makes you more eager to read._ She had been stunned by the depth of Nikki Heat as a character. She couldn't believe that Castle had noticed so many things about her. _Did she really start tapping her foot when she needed coffee?_ Because she had certainly never noticed that. Realizing that her foot was tapping at that moment, she got up and went to get some coffee.

She had also been amazed that Castle hadn't included his own version of her mother's murder. Nikki Heat did have a back story, and a pretty interesting one at that, but it wasn't anything like her own. _Maybe he did care. Maybe it wasn't just for the book._

Kate sat in the precinct for a long time, staring at the coffee cup in her hands, even after it was long empty, contemplating these thoughts. Finally, she got up, determined to ask Castle all her questions personally… at least, she would if she could get there before her confidence wore off. Hurriedly, she grabbed her coat, said bye to the night janitor, James, and got in her car.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_You like so far?_

_Thanks to all you guys for reading my story. You have no idea how happy it makes me when I get one of the automatic messages saying that someone has written a review or that someone has added my story to their favorites. *Hugs everyone*_

_By the way, how do you guys feel about cults? It's just an idea I'm working with, but I'd appreciate your comments. Oh, and any similarities to other stories are totally unintentional._

_I still don't own Castle, but I am asking Santa to give it to me for Christmas. My letter is going to be something like this: _

_Dear Santa,_

_I know I still don't own Castle *cry, tear, bawl*, but I was wondering, since I've been good this year (fine, I've been okay. But I don't think cussing at that guy 'cause he rear ended me is all that bad…) could you give it to me for Christmas? Or Richard Castle would do. Or Nathan Fillion. You know, whatever's easiest. Thanks!_

_-Toast_

_And as always, review, review, review please!_


	4. Everything's Not Lost

Everything's Not Lost

Richard Castle sat on his bed, back propped up with pillows. He had just finished reading Heat Wave for the third time and was contemplating reading it a fourth. _Anything so that I won't stare at the phone, wondering if Kate will call. Jesus, I've turned into a teenage girl!_ He was pondering how to revert back to a 38 year old man when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. Glad for a distraction, he closed his lap top and called out that it was open, expecting that Alexis or his mother would walk through the door. When he saw Kate come through the door, his mind went into shock. _Kate? Kate?! What was she doing here? Is she going to shoot me? God, has she always been that beautiful?_ He snapped back into reality at the sound of Kate softly clearing her throat. As she shifted from foot to foot, she scanned the room. Rick looked at his room to and inwardly grimaced. _Yep, now she thinks I live in a pigsty. Oink._ He looked at her again and waited for her gaze to fall on him. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Kate finally spoke.

"Hi?" She said it more like a question than a greeting, obviously uncomfortable where she was.

"Hey." he answered, "How'd you get in?" _Ohhhh… great Rick, now you make it sound like you're mad at her. Come on, say something before she actually thinks that._ But before he could add something, she responded.

"Martha let me in. She basically pulled me up the stairs so I would talk to you…" _Thanks Mom… _An awkward silence filled the room. After a minute or so, Kate broke it. "But that's not the point. The point is, we need to talk."

"Right, course." Quickly, Rick cleared of the end of his bed. "Sit, Detective," he said, indicating the newly cleared space.

"I'd rather stand, Castle."

Rick felt his spirit darken a bit. _She didn't want to sit? Did that mean she wasn't going to stay for a long time? Well, of course not, you big idiot. It's not like she's your number one fan right now._ "Okay. How can I help you?"

"I need to know why you did it."

"Did what?"

Kate sighed. "I need to know… I need to know why you did it. Especially after last time… and when you knew what would happen if you did. I ne… I need you to tell me." Her voice faltered a bit and she started to stare determinedly at his ceiling. He wanted to get up and give her a hug, but because he liked his insides where they were, he stayed seated.

"You want to know why? I did it because…" he let out a humorless laugh, "I did it because I care about you, Kate. It's as simple as that." Not seeing the stunned, slightly terrified look on Beckett's face, he continued. "And I thought you deserved closure. You bring it to so many other people, but you've never actually had it for yourself. I was just trying to make the world a tiny bit better." _Great, now you make it sound like you did some daring feat and saved the world. Super Castle to the rescue! Stupid, stupid, stupid! _

After only a few seconds of contemplating what his theme song would be, he noticed Kate had started to shake. Worried, Rick got up and walked over to her. "Kate?"

Holding her hands in front of her, she started to back away towards the door. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I, I just have to go."

"Kate?!"

"I'll call you later, okay?" She took one last step backward and then twirled and left the room.

And just like that she was gone. _But at least she said she'll call_, said the tiny optimist in the back of Rick's brain. _Yep, at least she said she'd call._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Yay! Another short chapter (sorry). Has anyone else noticed that Castle doesn't have a really long attention span? He tends to get distracted by theme songs and whether he's turned into a teenage girl… O.o Okay, I never thought I'd use those two things in a sentence… _

_Please review and comment, good and bad reviews are appreciated, though the good ones make me happier ____ Also, if you have any ideas about stuff I should include in the story, like what Castle could be distracted by next (I'm thinking his life dream to become a circus clown) just send me a message, k?_

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle… five months left until the holiday season… I hope Santa got my letter…_

_If any of my stuff is similar to any of the awesome stories out there, it's completely unintentional. And people, please continue writing stories and posting on the boards. We need to keep showing how awesome Castle is!_


	5. The World Turned Upside Down

The World Turned Upside Down

For the second time in a few weeks, Kate Beckett was sitting in her car, letting the tears run down her face. There was however, one big difference this time. This time, the tears weren't so much of pain than of confusion, anger and fear. _How dare Castle say that he cared about her, after what he did? Had he been laughing at her? No, he'd laughed, but it was more of a laugh aimed at himself than at her. He'd seemed serious, at least more serious than she'd seen him before. Than why? _Trying to calm herself down, Kate took a few deep breaths and tried to focus on the war between two commuters across the street instead of the war waging in her head. Normally, she would have gotten out and dealt with it, but today, she just wanted to be a civilian.

Feeling calmer, though not as calm as she wished, she returned to her mental struggle. She'd been glad that he'd had a story, a reason that would make everything make sense. If he hadn't had one, she would have been angry. She wanted to believe his tale, so that they could get back to their pinch and kick relationship. She, even though she would never admit it, missed that. But something still felt wrong. _How could she be sure he was telling the truth?_

Finally reaching her apartment building, though not quite sure how she'd got there, she locked her car and went inside. Grabbing her mail, she rode up to the seventh floor and let herself into her sanctuary. After closing her door a bit more forcefully than needed, she walked into her room and started to put away her necklace and watch in her mom's old jewelry box, glad that this day was almost over.

_Arrghhh!!! Why does life have to be so complicated? _As she put away her gun, she hit the corner of the box with her hand, sending it flying off the dresser. Scrambling to pick it up, she ignored her now bleeding hand, focusing only on making sure one of the last pieces of her mom was all right. _Oh no. Oh no! Oh crap! Mom. Mom! I'm sorry mom! _Her crying only ended when she was sure that nothing had happened to her treasure box.

Wiping away her tears, she started to put back everything she had taken out in her box evaluation. Even though her hands were still shaking, she put everything meticulously away in its correct spot. The last thing she came upon was a bundle of homemade postcards. Nothing very weird about that. But for Kate, they were the last place where her mother thoughts still existed.

Every couple of weeks after she had moved out of her parents place and had gone off to college, her mom had sent her a handmade postcard with news of the family, her recent thoughts and anything else she thought was worthy of being mentioned. She had never stopped doing this, even after a much younger and happier Kate Beckett had pointed that that she could just call her, or come visit, since she only lived a few miles away. But Johanna Beckett had insisted on continuing the new tradition. She had believed in the power of letters and well chosen words, which Kate only learned to fully appreciate later in life, when she looked for solace in books.

Kate looked over the postcards, staring at the handwriting, willing it to come back to life and tell her more news and to make her laugh once again. Even though she hadn't looked at the cards since she had gone into therapy, she could still recite every single one, word for word. But she still went through each one, making sure she hadn't forgotten any of the lines or any of the love. Finally, she reached the last postcard, sent two days before that horrible day. As she looked over her mom's loopy, bubbly handwriting that expressed happiness at the family dinner that was to happen in a few days, Kate sank to her knees. Holding the bundle of letters to her heart, she began to cry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_But soon Super Castle to the rescue will come to the rescue. Dun-duh-duh-dun! (Theme song ideas, anyone?)_

_Sorry it took me so time to update, got carried away in a book series my friend gave to me._

_So, what happened with Beckett and her mom's box basically happened to me only it was my grandma's piano. I still have no clue how I managed to knock that thing over, it weighs a ton… O.o _

_I still don't own Castle, but I'm starting to wish Santa had next day shipping… _


	6. Fix You

Fix You

It was 4:57 in the morning, and like most normal people, Richard Castle was sleeping. Now that he had finally talked to Kate again, he was more relaxed in his sleep, which meant he wasn't snoring any more and wasn't waking up as often. But the mumblings and slight drooling showed that there was still worry and anxiety in his subconscious. Suddenly, he was awakened, though not much, by a beeping sound coming from his night stand.

Rick reached out a hand and started to whack the snooze button on his clock. Finally realizing that that wasn't the source of the noise, he started to look for his phone. Finding it at the base of the lamp, he slid it open and brought it to his ear, not even bothering to open an eye to see who it was.

"Wha?" He was still mostly asleep and this was the most intelligent answer he could come up with. He held the phone to his ear for a few seconds before his was able to understand that what he was hearing on the other end of the phone was silence. Pulling his head back a few inches, he made sure his phone was the right way around. _Yep. Sure is. _Shaking his head, he tried to wake himself up more and then put the phone back next to his ear. Focusing more intently on whoever was calling him, he was able to make out muffled sobbing on the other end.

Worried, Rick sat up and turned on his bedside lamp. Wincing at the sudden brightness, he spoke again into the phone.

"Hello?" He waited for a minute but no response came. Once his eyes finally adjusted to the light, he looked down at the caller ID. Kate Beckett. _Why is Kate calling me this early in the morning? And why is she crying?_ Alarmed now, he spoke into the phone again, trying to make contact with Kate.

"Kate? Kate?! What's wrong? Are you alright? What happened?" He would have continued with his stream of questions, but an answer finally came.

"Castle." Her voice was weak, sad, and cracked in the middle. "Mom."

That was all she had to say. Leaping up, he pulled on a shirt and a pair of pants.

"Don't worry Kate, I'll be there in ten minutes." Leaving a note for Alexis on the kitchen table, Rick raced out the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nine minutes later, Rick found himself in front of her door. Taking a deep breath, he tried the handle. Finding it unlocked, he opened it and walked in. Under any other circumstance, he would have marveled at being in her apartment and taken time to absorb every detail about everything she surrounded herself with, but now his mind was just focused on finding Kate and helping her.

Listening for a moment, he was able to make out a small sound coming from a hallway to his right. Walking the length of it, he quickly arrived at a dark oak door. Seeing the slivers of light escaping at its edges, he knocked once and let himself in.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking into the room, Rick could make a bed and a dresser. And there, next to the dresser, on her knees, head bent over, was Kate.

"Kate?" More worried than before, if that was possible. Rushing over to her, he tripped on the corner of her bed and found himself on the ground. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, he scooted over to her. Looking her over quickly, he saw that she was clutching some letters to her chest. Over whelmed by emotion, he reached out and pulled her to his chest. Hugging her, he pressed his cheek to the top of her head and rocked her back and forth. He didn't say anything. He just rocked back and forth and held on.

He held on, even after the crying and shaking had stopped. Even after the sun had risen, filling the room with a warm glow. Not even the end of the world go make him let go of the woman next to him.

Finally, she spoke. Her voice was still sad and filled with pain, but it was stronger somehow.

"Thank you, Castle."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry about the wait, but things just got busy in my life. C'est la vie, right?

I think I'm going to end this little fanfic here, since the second season is going to start in a few days *happy dance* and conflicting stories are always kind of troublesome. But, I will be writing a series of one shots later on and there might be some more there. So, I hope you enjoyed my story and I'll see you next time I write something.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. My friend recently sent all my hopes and wishes crashing down by informing me that Santa does not exist. She seemed surprised that at nineteen I did not know this. And my very mature response was to cover my ears and pretend I couldn't hear her… Just kidding. I know you exist Santa.


End file.
